I was born during a time of war, on the cusp of a period that would eventually be seen as the glory years for a particularly American idea of middle class society. The standard of that society for women of my generation was to marry, have children and pursue a career. I had all of that, but not necessarily in any recognizable order, and, in fact, I had much more.
The early part of my life included some challenging--- at times harrowing---experiences, but they gave me the courage to take risks and do the wild things. I've lived the corporate life as a certified public accountant in San Francisco, and I've lived the carney life, traveling with my carnival concession from Edmonton, Alberta to Macon, Georgia. I've done international development work in Macedonia, Bulgaria, Liberia, and Swaziland. I've taken a train across Canada, wandered around Africa and rode a camel in Cairo. I managed to mix in four kids and two husbands, and skydiving. A lot of cool stuff happened after I was sixty years old.
Many of my experiences are relevant to a diverse group, but too often we don't speak of them. This is an invitation to others to write their stories and start a conversation with their children. It is also an invitation to empathy; the stories have a universality which may give insight into many of the problems that confront people. Most of all, it is about life fully lived by someone who had it all.
As is true with most people, my early life had an impact on many of my life choices. Emotionally, it was a roller coaster that alternated between acceptance, rejection and abuse. My parents were capricious and often turned away from me. The result was that I never really trusted relationships of any sort. My feelings toward my parents were confused. And while I loved my children, I couldn’t understand that children actually loved their parents. Since my parents didn’t consistently take care of me, in heterosexual relationships I never trusted my partner to care for me in any meaningful way. This profound distrust also led to my questioning of authority and making choices others might not have made. Some of the choices were good and others were questionable, such as my choices in partners.
Fortunately, I had people around me who modeled positive behaviors and influenced me throughout my life. They gave me the strength to ignore societal constraints; therefore, I rarely did what women were supposed to do. A couple who were family friends expected me to use my mind and to become an educated person. Another friend, showed me that women can own their own businesses and work effectively with men to accomplish common goals. Even my father made it perfectly clear that it was fine for a woman to do carpentry and study math and science in school. I have always enjoyed learning and have read extensively and gone to college for much of my life. I put into action the behaviors modeled for me and went on to own two businesses.
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