I grew up on a navy base in the Mojave Desert in California during the 1950s. When I left home and went to Antioch College in Ohio, I was excited by the world of ideas. It was 1959 and the beginning of major social movements. I went to New York City and Washington, D.C., on paid internships. For a kid from a navy base in the desert, this was exhilarating. I was in Washington, D.C., for President Kennedy’s inauguration.
In my second year of college, I became pregnant with Andy. That was one of those decision points. Pregnancy is something that cannot be ignored, and I needed to know whom I could rely on for help. Andy’s father, Fred, wanted nothing to do with the situation. I was totally in love with Fred, so I was really hurt and confused. Being pregnant and unmarried in 1961 was about the worst thing that could happen to a girl.
Bob, a fellow student at Antioch College, offered emotional support. His wife was pregnant when they got married, and they had placed the baby for adoption. He could empathize with my predicament and understood my choices. In effect, he rescued me and helped me through difficult decisions. I wound up telling my father about my pregnancy, and he arranged for me to go into a home for unwed mothers in Los Angeles to have the baby. There was no offer of help should I decide to keep the baby. On the part of Fred, Bob, my father, family and friends, and the staff at the home for unwed mothers, it was a foregone conclusion that I would place the baby for adoption. I did, against my better judgment. It was the worst decision I have ever made.
Bob was married, so I viewed him as safe. I also had a misplaced sense of loyalty because of his continued support during a difficult time for me. After the baby was born, our relationship changed and became romantic. He divorced his wife and we married in 1966. He encouraged me to get my CPA, making it clear that he knew I could do it.
But the marriage was rocky. In 1968, Blake was born. Years of physical abuse by Bob, plus a serious auto accident, left me disabled and unable to work as a CPA, so we purchased a carnival concession. Blake’s early years with me were spent in a difficult environment that included abuse and chaos. I did try on several occasions to leave Bob, but it didn’t work. Ultimately, Bob left me and abducted Blake. When Bob left, I was pregnant with Ward. This forced other decisions. I had to decide how I was going to have a baby and support him, recover Blake, divorce Bob, and earn a living.
David rescued me. David worked at the school where Blake was a student. I divorced Bob but was unable to get custody of Blake. David helped me through that difficult time and later became my husband. He and I went on the road with the carnival and supported ourselves, and our son, Ward, who was born in 1975. Ward was more fortunate than his brothers in that David and I provided a relatively calm home life. I had to struggle to earn a living, but David provided care and stability.
In 1980, I felt I needed to make another decision. It seemed like it was time to come in off the road, settle down and have a consistent income, so we moved to rural Maine and I worked for a CPA firm. It was a miserable life. We lived in a small house but couldn’t afford fuel oil. David stayed home with Ward while I commuted an hour each way to Augusta. I got pregnant and was fired because I was considered a risk to the firm. They had refused to get me medical insurance. Fordyce was born in 1981.
After I lost my job, we moved to Portland, Maine, where there were greater employment possibilities. In Portland, things settled down a bit. We were able to buy a two-unit apartment building and a new pickup truck. I had to work two jobs, but we were beginning to have enough income. David stayed home with both Ward and Fordyce so that I could work. I searched for Andy, my oldest son, and found him. I established some contact with Blake, my second son. I didn’t recover him, so I had little contact with him while his father was alive. Ward, my third son, was in school and wound up going to an excellent private school. Fordyce started school and in the first grade joined Ward at the same private school.
Things were seemingly going well. David and I had property, I had a good job, David had gone back to work, and the kids were both in school. But while those changes were taking place, it was apparent that David and I were growing in different directions. Another decision point arrived and I felt I needed to leave David. We separated, and shortly afterward I was offered a job in Vermont. Ward, Fordyce and I moved to Montpelier.
For more than twenty years, I have lived in Montpelier, Vermont. Professionally, my life has continued to change and become more rewarding. Ward and Fordyce finished their schooling and went on to college. I purchased my condo and began to travel the world. Montpelier has been a good place for us, and both boys have settled in similar towns.
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